Was this made for you?

And the Dr asks

Any other ailments


"I've been seeing spots in front of my eyes."
"Have you seen a doctor?"
"No, just spots."

Does this sound familliar
I would not want you to have to concentrate on one ailment only!!

Try this!

Knee surgery for you to perform
Play with this puzzle!
Click on the post title and it will lead you to the game




So did your surgery go according to plan?

My Dear Mother-in-Law had the unfortunate luck of undergoing knee replacement surgery this past week. She is now back home recuperating and like all other people who have had that kind of surgery, she is wishing she had just taken a rusty saw and cut the kneecap off herself, without any anesthesia, in that she is sure the post-surgery pain and misery could not have been any worse than what she is currently experiencing.

I called to check on her and was told that she was resting comfortably in her favorite chair and in an effort to minimize her pain, she “pees” on her knee.

OK…..that is a new one. How “peeing” on your knee would alleviate the post-surgical pain associated with having bone and tissue carved from your body….is beyond my idiot level of comprehension.

I tried to visualize the poor lady trying to recline in a chair and going through the process of actually “peeing” on her wounded knee. This is not a memory or vision you want to have of any close relative…..

Maybe modern science had evolved to weird levels that I do not fully comprehend.

I banged my own elbow on a doorway yesterday and it has been causing me great pain and discomfort….so maybe I should “pee” on my elbow.

My mind started to race trying to figure out the painful and awkward positions I would have to contort my body into in order to successfully “pee” on my elbow….without “peeing” all over everything else within a 10 foot radius…..

I thought….”What the Heck….Give it a shot…”

I was just beginning to contort my crippled body into a pretzel-like position to commence the “peeing” therapy when the phone rang.

It was my wife, who is up taking care of her ailing, pee-soaked Mother.

I told my wife what I was about to undertake in order to “relieve myself” of my own elbow pain.

I cannot repeat the vulgar and filthy words that she screamed at me but most of them involved my apparent like of any semblance of common sense and my complete and utter inability to use my God-given brain.

Apparently, to alleviate her knee pain, my dear Mother-in-Law puts a bag of frozen peas on her knee. Peas.

Oops.

As Emily Litella would say…

NEVER MIND!!


From :http://redriverpak.wordpress.com/2009/11/08/a-post-knee-surgery-miracle/

I should hope not!!!

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
-- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward

Are you better yet? These corny jokes are going to keep coming till you are up and running

Not everyone is flexible ... Well except Barbie!

Dear Santa:

I understand that one of my colleagues has petitioned you for changes in her contract, specifically asking for anatomical and career changes. In addition, it is my understanding that disparaging remarks were made about me, my ability to please, and some of my fashion choices. I would like to take this opportunity to inform you of some of issues concerning Ms. Barbie, and some of my own needs and desires. First of all, I along with several other colleagues feel Barbie DOES NOT deserve preferential treatment-the bitch has everything.

I, along with Joe, Jem, Raggedy Ann & Andy, DO NOT have a dream house, Corvette, evening gowns, and in some cases the ability to change our hair style. I personally have only 3 outfits which I am forced to mix and match at great length. My decision to accessorize my outfits with an earring was my decision and reflects my lifestyle choice. I too would like a change in my career. Have you ever considered “Decorator Ken,” “Beauty Salon Ken,” or “Out Of Work Actor Ken”? In addition, there are several other avenues which could be considered such as: “S&M Ken”, “Green Lantern Ken”, “Circuit Ken,”"Bear Ken,” “Master Ken.” These would more accurately reflect my desires and perhaps open up new markets.

As for Barbie needing bendable arms so she can “push me away,” I need bendable knees so I can kick the bitch to the curb. Bendable knees would also be helpful for me in other situations-we’ve talked about this issue before.


Sincerely,

Ken

Are you sure you want to go for a scenic tour?

Canadian driving!

How to identify a Canadian driver:1. - One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: MONTREAL2. - One hand on wheel, one finger out window: TORONTO3. - One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: OTTAWA4. - Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: SASKATOON, but driving in TORONTO5. - Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in the back seat: QUEBEC CITY6. - One hand on 12 oz. double shot latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game, banging head on steering wheel while stuck in traffic: VANCOUVER7. - One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the brake and both feet on the accelerator, throwing McDonald's bag out the window: RED DEER8. - Four wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on the floor, raccoon tails attached to the antenna: PRINCE GEORGE9. - Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield driving 40 km/hr on Hwy 1 in the left lane with the left blinker on: VICTORIA10. - One ski-doo mitt on steering wheel, one ski-doo mitt scrapper in hand out front window scrapping frost, Guess Who on 8 track playing Share The Land, hockey equipment smelling up car interior, waiting at lights for snow removal equipment to finish clearing intersection: WINNIPEG

Now which of these Canadians do you want to have swing by and pick u up??